How Do I Handle My Child Losing a Match or Getting Upset in Wrestling?

Wrestling is one of the most rewarding sports a young athlete can experience, but it can also be one of the toughest. It teaches discipline, confidence, and perseverance—but it also tests emotions in a very real way. There will be days when your child wrestles hard, gives their best effort, and still loses. There will be days when a close call or tough opponent leaves them in tears, angry, or discouraged. As a parent, how you respond in those moments can have a lasting impact.

Every child reacts differently to losing. Some shake it off quickly. Others take it hard. Wrestling is deeply personal. It’s just one athlete against another—no teammates to share the blame or hide behind. When a child loses, it can feel like it’s all on them. That’s why handling these moments with patience, perspective, and love is so important.

In this blog, we’ll share helpful tips and thoughtful strategies to guide your child through disappointment and help them grow from every match—win or lose.

1. Stay Calm and Supportive First

When your child walks off the mat after a loss—especially if they’re upset—your first job is to be their safe place. Resist the urge to immediately correct, critique, or lecture. Even if they made a mistake or didn’t wrestle their best, this is not the time for hard coaching.

Instead, offer your presence and your support. Sometimes just sitting quietly with them or giving a hug can say more than words.

You might say:

“I’m proud of you.”
“You gave great effort out there.”
“Let’s take a deep breath and talk when you’re ready.”

This helps them calm down and know that, no matter the result, they are still loved and supported.

2. Let Them Feel What They Feel

It’s natural for kids to cry, be frustrated, or even feel embarrassed after a loss. Let them experience those emotions. It’s part of learning how to compete and how to care about something deeply.

Instead of trying to fix the emotion or tell them not to cry, allow the feeling to pass. Once they’ve had time to process, they’ll be more open to feedback or conversation.

You might say:

“It’s okay to be upset. That means you care.”
“We all feel that way sometimes. Let’s work through it together.”

Children need to know that losing is not the end of the world—but it’s also not something to ignore or brush aside. Emotions are part of the journey.

3. Shift the Focus from Winning to Learning

One of the most helpful things you can do after a tough match is to shift the focus away from the scoreboard and toward growth. Every match—especially the ones that sting—teaches valuable lessons.

Ask questions like:

“What’s one thing you did better today?”
“What’s something we can work on at practice this week?”
“What did you learn about yourself in that match?”

These kinds of questions teach your child that progress matters more than perfection. Over time, this mindset builds resilience and helps them become mentally stronger athletes.

4. Avoid the Blame Game

It’s easy to fall into frustration when you think a call was unfair or a mistake cost your child the match. But try to avoid blaming referees, opponents, or anyone else. That teaches children to look outside themselves for excuses, rather than within themselves for solutions.

Instead, model a growth mindset:

“That was a tough call, but let’s control what we can control.”
“He was a strong opponent—now we know what to prepare for next time.”
“Every loss is part of the journey toward becoming better.”

Wrestling teaches accountability. If you lead with blame, your child may miss the opportunity to take ownership and grow.

5. Celebrate the Effort, Not Just the Outcome

Win or lose, your child is putting themselves out there. Wrestling is physically and emotionally demanding. Even stepping onto the mat takes courage. Make sure your child knows that their effort matters more than the result.

Praise qualities like:

Hustling until the last whistle
Showing sportsmanship
Trying new moves, even if they didn’t work
Staying composed under pressure

This helps your child see that success isn’t defined only by winning, but by how they show up, fight, and finish.

6. Use the Loss as Fuel, Not a Finish Line

Once your child has calmed down, you can begin talking about how to use the experience to grow. Most great wrestlers have more losses than wins in the early stages of their careers. What made them great was how they responded to each setback.

Encourage your child to:

Set small goals for the next practice
Write down something they want to improve
Watch video of the match and talk it over with a coach
Keep a journal of their growth throughout the season

These habits turn losses into lessons, and lessons into long-term improvement.

7. Remind Them of the Bigger Picture

Wrestling is a journey, not a single tournament. Help your child zoom out and see how today’s loss fits into their larger goals. Remind them that every great athlete—at every level—has felt the sting of defeat.

You might say:

“This is just one chapter in your story.”
“The best wrestlers lose sometimes—but they always learn.”
“You’re becoming stronger every day, whether you see it or not.”

Keep the perspective big, even when the moment feels small and painful.

Losing Is Part of Learning

No parent wants to see their child upset. But in wrestling, learning how to deal with loss is a crucial part of growth. It builds toughness, teaches reflection, and prepares kids for the ups and downs of life beyond the mat.

By responding with calm support, helping your child process their emotions, and shifting the focus to learning and effort, you turn those tough moments into meaningful ones. And over time, your child will not only become a better wrestler—but a stronger, more confident person.

Because in the sport of wrestling, every loss is just another step toward becoming a champion of character.